How to wear your pants perfectly

Stats say that 27% of the people in this rectangular world ( yes the world is has four sides, I have measured them..they differ in length ) … are to dumb to wear their pants perfectly. While you read this, I can bet my left sock that most of you don’t have your pants worn inch perfect at this very moment !

Stand up, you lazy thing…yes sir.. I am talking to you, you may be the Director of this fancy company your dad owns but you ain’t wearing your pants right, and that is a big enough crime to put your behind the bars till you grow a beard as long as that Indian poet! Now stand in front of the mirror and have a good look at yourself, I know its tough but bear the pain, it’s for the cause! Now that you have endured the pain of looking at yourself at the mirror, you must have noticed how high your pants are…! And for most of the teens out there, it is most obvious that your pants, if you are actually wearing any, are half way down your undies ! *sigh* So how high or how low should you actually wear it..? Good question..see you are getting smarter reading this piece…!

Well page 95, chapter-11, section-8 of “ Pant Wearing Guidelines” …written by the late Jhonny Highpants…state that an average guy should wear his pants exactly 5 regular human fingers held horizontally below his belly button ! For the obese people reading this..Mr.Highpants have deviated the law a bit for you folks…you must wear it 3 and a half regular fingers below your huge hole in the stomach…compensating the sack bulging out ! It’s a law folks – respect !

In order for your pant to be in perfect conditions to be worn, you must keep the pant away from direct sunlight for at least 5 hours before putting it on and most preferably placing it under the fan or the cooler for at least half an hour. I have no idea how that helps, but it sure makes your inner parts cool and comfy and makes sure the evil ants are not there pinching off at the wrong places !

Zipping the pants is a controversial issue for most men. They simply don’t know how to zip their pants ! Some guy you are. How many of you actually follow the clock while zipping your pants? May you rot in hell people…you are not doing it right…! In order to make it perfect one must first zip his pants using his left hand…unzip it and zip it again with his right hand….unzip it again with his left hand and re-zip it using both hands…! The whole zip-zip task must be completed within a time span of 80-85 secs. Not less…not more..! Zippidi-zip !

These were the basic principles to be followed while putting on your pants…make sure…pants are more valuable than pizza and making it rights is essential ! If you still got queries about putting your pants the right way…you might as well give up wearing them !