WARNING: Fashion Criminals At Large!!!

Sinorita Enchantress January 3, 2012

Fashion Criminals At Large!

Let’s say your best friend’s throwing a surprise party tomorrow. And somehow you have stumbled across this highly confidential secret . . . maybe on the web or some rumor. Would you ransack every dress shop in Pink City just to buy “identically matching” pair of jeans and stilettos? Or is it Summer in full swing but you are still clinging to your black t-shirt despite the scorching heat? Just because you THINK it makes you look HAWWT even with the stinky sweat smeared across your body. After all, anything black is a good absorber of HEAT! Can you stop fidgeting till you’ve painted your nails (read: claws) “black” to match that “foreboding black” shawl of yours? Oh what a perfect WITCH you are now!

All kidding aside, the above sarcasm is intended at the delusional self-announced “trendy”, “stylish” or “high school glamour” girl in your Biology class. Wait! Why spare that idiot of a boy who wears black belt and brown shoes, yet “boasts” of being a lady-killer? They are ‘CRIMINALS’ who walk around loose and commit horrendous ‘CRIMES’ every time they DRESS themselves! Laughing out loud, aren’t you? Trust me, they are LITERALLY ASKING to be humiliated . . . umm at least, their choice of attire speak so. Or if you are the Prima Donna in question, suit yourself. It’s FASHION CRIMES we are dealing with, believe me, no less serious than a “murder”!

Technically, it IS murder – a murder of a priceless ART that is Fashion. Because every time you put that pullover/shirt/low cut top on your leggings, intending to achieve an illusion of a pair of black jeans, you brutally strangle the essence of Fashion – invented by innumerous innovative fashion connoisseurs! Still wonder why critics like me term you as ‘kickass’? Wearing a shirt dress with leggings just look like you forgot your pants at home! According to the Fashion Police.net, leggings clearly fall in the category of “non-pants” and it’s a SHAME to replace it with “real pants”. Any combination of clothes that do not go together or look stupid altogether is a Fashion crime.

The “Leggings as Pants” has been a “bad trend” in the Indian subcontinent, the head-start of which was from the movie Love Ajkal. Actress Dipika Paduokon pairs leggings with short, loosely-fit, frilly frocks, which absolutely abides by the “dos” in Fashion. Who could foretell that a mass of outdated girls/women would take these ‘cheap and handy’ stockings for granted as jeggings or equivalent? And now it has infiltrated the mass like a virus! Where can you find a place without girls, with diverse rear views, walking on slinky, stick-like extensions called legs? Even celebrity Pippa Middleton -with the perfect rear (one that makes you want to go to a plastic surgeon)- was scandalized for committing this blunder…

Pippa Middleton in “leggings as pants” shocker

The Fashion Police.net article extract read:

Pippa Middleton got herself a thorough telling off from some sections of the media this week for allegedly committing a “Leggings As Pants” crime.. . . . Does the “perfect” rear get a free pass when it comes to leggings as jeans, though, or is Pippa just as guilty as anyone else who goes down the slippery slope of replacing pants with … non-pants?

Next on the Black List is the “too matchy- matchy” syndrome. In this fashion era, when it’s all about “color contrast”, some fashion Neanderthals still exist to break trends and bring back old ones. Honestly, would it be hard enough to find a fashion criminal who goes all hyper if her SHOES don’t match with her HANDBAG? Maybe your next-door girl or your friend’s mom. What these lunatics don’t understand is If there’s one thing the fashion community absolutely DETESTS right now, it’s anything deemed to be too “matchy matchy”. ‘Belt matches your bag? Why haven’t you just killed yourself already? Because, seriously, if you’re not going to be “edgy” and “unexpected”, like the fashionistas of the world, then there is surely no reason to go on living.’- says The Fashion Police.net. How better could you have expected from the Lady Gaga (funky outside but ‘matchy-matchy’ inside) than to MATCH HER HAIR COLOR TO BOOTS?

Matchy-matchy! Lady Gaga matches hair color to boots
But hey boys, that doesn’t mean matching your belt color to your shoes is out-dated. Instead it is a Fashion Crime NOT to do that!

Now comes the ‘sheer’ factor. Though some girls or boys are BOLD enough to wear completely ‘sheer’ (transparent) top /dress/shirt/pants and show off their under garments, the fashion community deems it as uncouth. Because it breaks:

Rule of thumb: If we can see what color the lining of your pockets is, your pants are too sheer.

The see-through attire is obviously a BOLD choice but does not make you more fashionable eventually. Underwear is something that SHOULD remain UNDERNEATH the clothes! Unfortunately Madonna wears a pair of sheer shants, trying to be unnoticed. Bad Luck! Back to jail her shants go…

Madonna tries to bring back shants

Another faux pas is ‘mixing vibes’. A mix of Sporty and Dressy looks way more horrible than it sounds! Going for one look is better and SMARTER! Unless you want to be a fashion victim like Emma Watson here, don’t wear a sporty jacket over a dressy nice frock! You can’t possibly look BOTH punk and feminine at the same time…

Punk Emma or Miss Feminine Watson?

When it’s time for men to SUIT UP! (just like Barney says in HIMYM), most turn out to be fashion victims. Why? Did you know making a blunder with regard to the color of your shoes practically defeats the purpose of suiting up which is to look your most presentable? Men too frequently select shoes in shades that don’t complement their dress clothes, like brown-hued footwear with black trousers. In a survey, this was faux pas No.5… so watch out!

Also, it is wrong to wear for example a black blazer, black shirt, black tie, black pants and brown shoes… at least let the shirt or tie have a different color.

Most guys, who do not wear sneakers, are seen to wear running shoes making it faux pas No. 7. Yours truly has personally seen the guy who teaches her Bengali do that. :P So, generally speaking, active wear should not be day wear. This rule holds true especially when it comes to wearing running shoes in any environment that’s not fitness-oriented.

For a just-as-comfortable alternative without the “ick” factor, pick up a pair of sneakers or slip-on loafers to pair with your casual ensembles. But NEVER should you wear socks with slip-on loafers no matter how cold your feet gets. Because that’s men’s fashion faux pas No. 10. Only the uber morons and geeks do that, yours truly is well aware…

The last but not the least is Faux pas No.1: teaming up white socks with dress shoes. It may have enjoyed brief popularity as a quirky style statement in the mid-’90s, but there’s a good reason this combo has failed to make a strong comeback. Dress shoes should only be worn with dress socks, which are wool or cotton socks in dark hues like black, blue, gray, and brown. White socks, in contrast, should be reserved solely for pairing with athletic shoes and track pants.

Now that Yours Truly shared with you all the commonest fashion faux pas . . . . don’t fall prey to Faux pas anymore. Spend this winter in VOGUE! and keep your hands clean from Fashion Crimes. . . or else us here at The Fashion Police.net has got your back! :P Watch out!

P.S. These Fashion Crimes are universal! ;)
Photo courtesy: The Fashion Police.net & AskMen
Research materials: The Fashion Police.net ; AskMen; Capital Lifestyles

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